for string quartet
2013
i. a childhood memory
you followed that girl with too many smiles
and too few emotions,
while i followed my sky.
ii. we were negated in youth
somewhere between the growing up,
the growing unwise and too old
or rather -
losing childhood --
we lost each other.
iii. we reach each other as concealed blades
you wore long sleeves
and i didn't own shorts.
we suffered and coped in ways we shouldn't say out loud,
but we hadn't yet learned to read each other's
darkness.
iv. the world unsewn -- you almost died
i found you in the mountains and the wind wouldn't stop -
(i didn't know if i'd find you alive)
the ranger had that posture about him
and you were crying.
i couldn't talk to you then -
you were taken to the hospital and received nine stitches about the artery in your right wrist.
("we'll try to save your kidneys")
v. now and not yet happened
"i want to live i just don't know how"
we walk the tracks at night and share the silence that says everything.
something changed from then to now
and something will keep changing from after to now to after,
but slowly we become
worthy
of our suffering.